A Child I Am

there are times when i may think that i'm an adult... but i don't really feel like one. i find myself hanging on to my family, to my old friends like my life depended on it. i find myself wishing i was a teenager again, never really growing up like the rest of the lifestock around me. some keep telling me that i don't really grow up until i've started working, until i've started to support myself and take full responsibility for myself and those who depend on me. who's to define an adult? who's to say i didn't grow up in some other way?

it's terrifying to "grow up", to be defined as a adult and having to start acting like one. i feel like i'm fighting to hang on to what's left of my childhood freedom... fighting to be close to my parents, to go out with my friends like we were in high-school, to be free of "adult responsibilities". i keep forgetting that i'm turning 25 this year...

i don't know why i'm constantly sad, depressed, despairing... i have to no real reason to be. it's not as if my life is a complete lost, completely empty. i have a lot to be thankful for, and a lot to be happy about. but life never seemed so... incomplete. my reminder is that my future starts here, in australia... but my heart breaks at the idea that i might have to stay longer than this last year. and i don't know if i could leave the love of my life behind if i left. i just don't know what to do anymore...