The "M" Word
Since my last entry, I’ve been on holiday to Melbourne and Sydney with my boyfriend. During our four days in Melbourne, he went from being my boyfriend to my fiance. He proposed, and I said yes :).
Since then, it's been an odd mix of emotions. On the one hand, I'm ecstatic to be marrying my long-time love... on the other, I'm incredibly freaked out by the notion of being a working woman, a wife, a sis/daughter-in-law, and possibly a mother in the future. No, I'm not pregnant. That's been the latest misconception of my situation lately so I feel inclined to clear myself of such a charge.
I was never the type of girl who dreamt of her wedding when she was a child. On the contrary, I dreaded the day I would ever have to plan my own. my very solid dream was for us to run away to Europe, get married, have our honeymoon, then turn up one day and tell my relatives, "guess what, I got hitched"... followed by a very painful tongue lashing, fire and brimstone and all.
See, it's not so easy growing up in an Asian family (albeit nontraditional as we are). Marriage is not just a celebration of the union of two individuals, of two souls... it is an opportunity for everyone to get decked out in their very finest in their attempt to out show everyone else in terms of wealth, class and "taste", and maybe have a brawl or two the night before the ceremony. Unfortunately, it always end up looking like a first-rate circus paid a visit but nobody laughed at the clowns. then there's the tea ceremony (Malaysian Chinese wedding; for all who are looking confused at this point), the blessings, the pre-wedding dinners, the all-night mahjong sessions, the smoking, the drunken upstarts, the other young women who wear the same color as the bride or wear BLACK (FYI: the traditional bride wears red, and black is just BAD at any Asian wedding!), and that annoying aunt who's trying to set you up with some nephew of hers (you’re related by marriage only, though that used to be different too). That’s not the scary part. The scary part is that you are only 15... And he's probably had a job, an ex-wife with five kids, and is going through his twisted version of a mid-life crisis.
The only happy memory I’ve ever had of a wedding such as the one I’ve described, were the red-packets filled with countless dollar bills. Hey, when you're eight, two ringgit goes a long way! you get an extra boost if you were the flower girl too... you get an extra five from each elder (ten from the bride and groom) for carrying the massive white train and flowers. If you're lucky, you might get a brief moment during which you might actually carry the ang-pows given to the bride and groom and feel how thick THOSE are (that's usually the mother-of-the-bride/groom's job, or maybe an aunt). Who knows, you might even be able to put black ink in your annoying aunt's tea and get away with it. You ARE the flower girl after all :).
Luckily for me, I might not have to suffer through such pre-marital trauma. See, my husband-to-be is Indian, and while it's generally the same thing (the pre-wedding dinners, the smoking, the booze and drunken upstarts), I won't have to go through it as a flower girl. I’m the bride, and this bride has a LOT to say about what's NOT gonna happen on her big day:
- There will be a limit to how much alcohol there will be at our house (his parents don't drink so needless to say there won't be any at their house),
- Everyone will NOT be pinching my cheeks telling me what a beautiful bride I make,
- I will NOT be wearing some gigantic white fluffy tent,
- my tea set (mom just bought it yesterday) is NOT some god-awful chili red, but set in beautiful Thai design in soft pink, black and gold,
- Since my mom and my future sis-in-law are buying my jewelry (and they know what I’m like), I will NOT be displaying horrific rented costume jewelry that is caked with moldy make-up and the genetic leftovers of other brides from the last 20-odd years,
- That annoying aunt who tried to set me up with that “well-established” nephew of hers will NOT be there, and neither will the nephew,
- If that aunt and/or nephew do turn up, I WILL put ink in their teas and get away with it,
- Smoking will NOT occur inside the house,
- I’m booking myself into a hotel to get a good night’s sleep, AWAY from the mah-jong ruckus,
- I’m doing my own make-up,
- We’re NOT serving genuine sharks-fin soup at the reception
- There will be NO karaoke-ing at any point during the reception
- I’m not having a “bachalorette party”, it will be a “bridal shower”,
- We will NOT be inviting 1500 people to the reception,
- My brothers (or anyone for that matter) will NOT try to drink my husband-to-be under the table the night before the wedding,
- There are other things I would add to my list, but I can’t think of them right now.
So there, that’s all the “conditions” I want to put forth to everyone involved in the planning. It’s not hard, just please don’t screw up one of the biggest moments of my life…. No pressure.
Since then, it's been an odd mix of emotions. On the one hand, I'm ecstatic to be marrying my long-time love... on the other, I'm incredibly freaked out by the notion of being a working woman, a wife, a sis/daughter-in-law, and possibly a mother in the future. No, I'm not pregnant. That's been the latest misconception of my situation lately so I feel inclined to clear myself of such a charge.
I was never the type of girl who dreamt of her wedding when she was a child. On the contrary, I dreaded the day I would ever have to plan my own. my very solid dream was for us to run away to Europe, get married, have our honeymoon, then turn up one day and tell my relatives, "guess what, I got hitched"... followed by a very painful tongue lashing, fire and brimstone and all.
See, it's not so easy growing up in an Asian family (albeit nontraditional as we are). Marriage is not just a celebration of the union of two individuals, of two souls... it is an opportunity for everyone to get decked out in their very finest in their attempt to out show everyone else in terms of wealth, class and "taste", and maybe have a brawl or two the night before the ceremony. Unfortunately, it always end up looking like a first-rate circus paid a visit but nobody laughed at the clowns. then there's the tea ceremony (Malaysian Chinese wedding; for all who are looking confused at this point), the blessings, the pre-wedding dinners, the all-night mahjong sessions, the smoking, the drunken upstarts, the other young women who wear the same color as the bride or wear BLACK (FYI: the traditional bride wears red, and black is just BAD at any Asian wedding!), and that annoying aunt who's trying to set you up with some nephew of hers (you’re related by marriage only, though that used to be different too). That’s not the scary part. The scary part is that you are only 15... And he's probably had a job, an ex-wife with five kids, and is going through his twisted version of a mid-life crisis.
The only happy memory I’ve ever had of a wedding such as the one I’ve described, were the red-packets filled with countless dollar bills. Hey, when you're eight, two ringgit goes a long way! you get an extra boost if you were the flower girl too... you get an extra five from each elder (ten from the bride and groom) for carrying the massive white train and flowers. If you're lucky, you might get a brief moment during which you might actually carry the ang-pows given to the bride and groom and feel how thick THOSE are (that's usually the mother-of-the-bride/groom's job, or maybe an aunt). Who knows, you might even be able to put black ink in your annoying aunt's tea and get away with it. You ARE the flower girl after all :).
Luckily for me, I might not have to suffer through such pre-marital trauma. See, my husband-to-be is Indian, and while it's generally the same thing (the pre-wedding dinners, the smoking, the booze and drunken upstarts), I won't have to go through it as a flower girl. I’m the bride, and this bride has a LOT to say about what's NOT gonna happen on her big day:
- There will be a limit to how much alcohol there will be at our house (his parents don't drink so needless to say there won't be any at their house),
- Everyone will NOT be pinching my cheeks telling me what a beautiful bride I make,
- I will NOT be wearing some gigantic white fluffy tent,
- my tea set (mom just bought it yesterday) is NOT some god-awful chili red, but set in beautiful Thai design in soft pink, black and gold,
- Since my mom and my future sis-in-law are buying my jewelry (and they know what I’m like), I will NOT be displaying horrific rented costume jewelry that is caked with moldy make-up and the genetic leftovers of other brides from the last 20-odd years,
- That annoying aunt who tried to set me up with that “well-established” nephew of hers will NOT be there, and neither will the nephew,
- If that aunt and/or nephew do turn up, I WILL put ink in their teas and get away with it,
- Smoking will NOT occur inside the house,
- I’m booking myself into a hotel to get a good night’s sleep, AWAY from the mah-jong ruckus,
- I’m doing my own make-up,
- We’re NOT serving genuine sharks-fin soup at the reception
- There will be NO karaoke-ing at any point during the reception
- I’m not having a “bachalorette party”, it will be a “bridal shower”,
- We will NOT be inviting 1500 people to the reception,
- My brothers (or anyone for that matter) will NOT try to drink my husband-to-be under the table the night before the wedding,
- There are other things I would add to my list, but I can’t think of them right now.
So there, that’s all the “conditions” I want to put forth to everyone involved in the planning. It’s not hard, just please don’t screw up one of the biggest moments of my life…. No pressure.
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