Shakespeare's Dilemma

"to work, or not to work", that's the question for the week. there's the glaring fact that i have to pass this semester or i might never end up getting my degree, and then there's the desire to put myself to the test and push my limits. however, if in pushing my limits i fail my primary goal (passing)... well, who knows what my parents will do to me.

for the most part of my life, i've had bad timing. staying true to my nature, i've chosen my final semester of uni to begin testing my mental and emotional boundaries, which, every sane person knows, is not something you should be doing when you're four months away from graduating. the whole concept of boundary testing during your first year is so that, if you were to blunder it all up, you still have the next two or three years to fix it. i don't have that luxury and yet the temptation of having money in my pocket (as well as containers full of beautifully prepared indian meals NOT out of a bottle) at the end of each week is so... irresistable. i know that once school's out, i'll have the rest of my life to be tied to that proverbial desk, so why i'm so bent on working during my final semester is beyond even my own probably incomprehensive self.

while i'm pondering the great mysteries of my cluttered mind, my feline pet is happily rolling around on the bed trying to find the perfect position to take her sixth nap this morning. she is completely unaware of how disturbing that contrast is to me, her still loving but vengeful owner. how i wish life was that easy... to be fed, pampered, doted upon, belly-rubbed, and relaxed for all of your life... sounds boring now, but once adult life sets in most of us would be wishing we were living her "uneventful" life... at least for a little while.

with the burden of possessing human intelligence and acute awareness of the world of me, i find it tiresome to think so much of the consequences for every little mistake i might make. while i may argue that people who live a safe life may not have lived at all, i can still drop back onto earth with the rebuttal that my almost-got university degree is not something to be gambled with simply because i have the sudden urge to see how far deep a whole i can dig myself before i have to scramble up for air or out of chlostrophobia. what of the possibility of a compromise? if i find that i'm going out of my mind trying to find time to study while making a meager wage of $150 for a three day shift, then i shall explain to my kind employer that, while i'm thoroughly enjoying my part-time working life, i have to consider my full-time study life and therefore have to regretably drop off his pay list. in layman's term: if i screw it up the first month, i'll quit.