How Much Longer?
sometimes it really pains me to think that i'm hurting those i love by hanging onto my past. i don't mean to. i just kinda allowed myself to obsess about it and i couldn't stop obsessing. i keep thinking back to my high school days and i analyze it to death... how i did, what i did, whom with, when, why, and how good/bad it made me feel. i just couldn't stop. i couldn't let go and "grow up". i'm like peter pan... wanting to stay a child forever, without responsibilities, without fear, without the nightmares.
but we can't be peter, not for very long. i'm pushing 25 and i have to get my life together. i have to salvage whatever's left my relationship and move on up. he's right... i tend to think and behave like a child. i still feel like i need that extra special consideration cuz i'm "emotionally stunted". when i saw my highschool roommate, i loved it... it was as if we never graduated and left school (except when we talked about what we'd been doing since then). we did all the things we used to do, we felt like kids again. the kids who tried to be adults aren't trying anymore... we ARE adults. we just don't wanna be. despite all the cultural knowledge and experiences we've gained, didn't do anything for our emotional growth. we just kinda skipped highschool and went on to taking responsibilities for ourselves and those we love... and now... we've slipped backwards. we missed out, and we want it now. but we can't have it, that's the tragedy. if we were to be children, be teenagers, when we're really supposed to have degrees, jobs, careers, that special someone, taxes, mortgages, quarter-life crises and the like... we'll fall behind, again. the world won't wait for us to have our time just pretending to be teens, they'll wonder what the hell is wrong with us, and demand that we get with the program. so how do we cope? how do we cope with having lost a part of that natural growth stage?
if anyone's got a good answer... and i mean, it's gotta be REAL good... i'd love to hear it. because as of now, i have to get with the program, and it's killing me to do so.
but we can't be peter, not for very long. i'm pushing 25 and i have to get my life together. i have to salvage whatever's left my relationship and move on up. he's right... i tend to think and behave like a child. i still feel like i need that extra special consideration cuz i'm "emotionally stunted". when i saw my highschool roommate, i loved it... it was as if we never graduated and left school (except when we talked about what we'd been doing since then). we did all the things we used to do, we felt like kids again. the kids who tried to be adults aren't trying anymore... we ARE adults. we just don't wanna be. despite all the cultural knowledge and experiences we've gained, didn't do anything for our emotional growth. we just kinda skipped highschool and went on to taking responsibilities for ourselves and those we love... and now... we've slipped backwards. we missed out, and we want it now. but we can't have it, that's the tragedy. if we were to be children, be teenagers, when we're really supposed to have degrees, jobs, careers, that special someone, taxes, mortgages, quarter-life crises and the like... we'll fall behind, again. the world won't wait for us to have our time just pretending to be teens, they'll wonder what the hell is wrong with us, and demand that we get with the program. so how do we cope? how do we cope with having lost a part of that natural growth stage?
if anyone's got a good answer... and i mean, it's gotta be REAL good... i'd love to hear it. because as of now, i have to get with the program, and it's killing me to do so.
