My Cat and Me

i woke up today, and i really didn't want to. don't know why, but i didn't. it didn't seem right to get up and start my day. i felt tired, disillusioned. i wanted to huddle under my blanket and just block out the badness of the world... but i got up anyway. the hours seemed to fly right by, with lunch, work, tv, more work, dinner... oh, and a two-hour nap i took on top of pain-killers (had a headache. opened my eyes and couldn't tell the ceiling from the floor). it makes things worse when your pet just looks at you like you're an idiot, and then she takes a nice big stretch and gets comfortable on your bean-bag/ottoman.

i look at my cat, and i think it must be blissful not to know that there's more to life than sleep, eat, play, lick yourself, and the occasional treat (hey, someone's gotta watch her figure for her). i mean, cat's that have good parents are lucky, they get the "best" things in life and are none the wiser. plus, she shed all her winter pounds in a week. what sane woman wouldn't wanna be able to do that??? i haven't even been able to shed my winter weight from my LAST winter!

i wonder if i'm the only one who wishes that she was a simple animal, with humans to take care of her and no responsibilities and cares in the world... i wonder...

Pretenders

ever had one of those people who seem very nice upfront, but later you found out that they didn't really think what they said? i have. it wasn't very pleansant, i can tell you. but either way, i chose to ignore it and maintained a civilized environment... until she used my name in vain.

it wouldn't have been bad at all, her blogging her frozen little heart away over something casually mentioned in a conversation, except she used my name in her little illustration of the conversation and made it seemed like i was a bad guy in her little story. basically, i was a flakey drunkard who pitied other people who don't seem to find it as "exhilirating" to be blind from intoxication at parties and clubs. it did not sit well with me. if you wanna complain over the things i've said, you can use the bloody material, but don't bloody use my name. whereas i don't really care if her friends think i'm a horrible person for having said what she said i said, i care if my friends (who happen to read the same story) start to question my integrity, mistrust me and feel i've betrayed them somehow, even if i haven't. i'm not the one who thought she was going behind my back with backstabbing comments, someone else had told me she was. if they didn't think that, i wouldn't care, even then. she doesn't have to explain anything to me, but when it comes to seeing my name in print, on screen, on the global network for all the world (with people i know living in it) to see, then it becomes my problem.

while she doesn't have to contend with her character being questioned, i do. i don't appreciate being set up like that to be hounded with "did you really say that?", "why did you say that to her?", or "don't you feel just a little bit bad?". thankfully, i do have some rather understanding friends in my circle...

Thou Shalt not Judge

there are a few things that i have overlooked in my life, but if there is one thing that really gets my goat (ridiculous cliche i assure you), is when people judge what (and people) they don't know. ready to throw the baby out with the bathwater aren't we.

i've had it. i've had supposedly nice people who are pretentious around me, and then show their true colors later. i've had them civilized and even friendly when they're talking to me, only to go onto their online journals and bitch about what they didn't even bother to find out. the latest one was regarding my perceived penchant for "imbibing copious amounts of alcohol" and my apparent distaste for people who do not drink, whether by choice or some other reasons like, say allergies. don't judge people before you get to know them, and if you had a problem with me or what i said, come out and tell me. if you don't allow people to explain what they said, how would you know how to react? obviously, i don't "imbibe" (can't you just say "to drink"?) in "copious" (how about "large amounts"?) of alcohol, and i don't get drunk unless i'm in a safe environment, which obviously rules out night clubs. and might I remind you that despite what you think, the success of a club is not based on what kind of people go there, it’s based on what kind of people DON’T. i for one am glad that I go to clubs without the “class” and “status”. the people you think are party animals? i wouldn't poke them with a 10-foot branding-iron. oh yes, since when do the true party people go to clubs for the people? it's called a party for a reason, and being with a bunch of pretentious stuffy-nosed "elitists" is no party.

i will leave you with one comment: you were nice when you didn't open your mouth. that “mat” comment was uncalled for.

Shrinks

when people think about psychologists, they think "nerd", "busy-body", and "a load of crap". why? how is it that we become so afraid that someone else is gonna find out things about us that we label these doctors who spend time thinking about things we should be thinking for ourselves? it's a psychological defense isn't it? we're so freaked out about someone else possibly knowing our personalities better than we do, that we just simply laugh at the thought of seeking out a psychologist to help guide us through life with a better understanding of why we are the way we are. not me.

i thrive on psychology. i'm ALWAYS thinking about why i act the way i do. when yo have a problem, you have to first identify what it is before you can fix it. it's like auto-mechanics: your car breaks down, but why? how can you say that the battery needs replacing when you don't even know what's wrong with the car in the first place? i mean, com'on! don't you know why you act in a certain and stop it? if you know what's wrong, then you can stop it before you act up.

people ask me why i watch dr.phil... why i would waste my time with a bunch of crap, with people like that who tell you things you already know and charge you money for it? i'm telling you, if people would take the courses that they do to get their PhD's, then we wouldn't need them at all. but we don't! we DON'T think for ourselves what psychologists think for us, we simply get so caught up with other aspects of our lives that we forget that we need to get caught up with us first. it's always the question how can you take care of everyone else, when you can't even take care of yourself? how can you take care of yourself when you haven't gotten to know yourself? i know i avoid knowing myself because of the fear of what i might find out. what if i find out that i'm not the person i thought i always have been? it's a security measure. we hang on to what we think we're like as tightly as we would a security blanket, and we refuse to let ourselves belief that maybe we're wrong about ourselves... maybe we're not as scared as we thought we were, or as stupid as we lead ourselves to believe, or as talentless as everyone says we are. why won't people take a chance to find out if all those negative things we believe ourselves to be may be false?

don't we wanna be true to ourselves? don't we want to live a life that's wonderfully full and rich and vibrant and happy instead of dispairing, fruitless, in black and white, and dull? i don't...